


Hotline Bling

by Vicky_Strife



Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Crack, Insecure Wade Wilson, M/M, Masturbation, Memes, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexting, accidental feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:01:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24488644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vicky_Strife/pseuds/Vicky_Strife
Summary: I apologize for the title.
Relationships: Nathan Summers & Wade Wilson, Nathan Summers/Wade Wilson
Comments: 16
Kudos: 59





	Hotline Bling

**Author's Note:**

> Hewwo?? Is the Cablepool fandom still alive? If not, I'm here to jumpstart it back to life, motherfuckers!!
> 
> I wrote this crack!fic as soon as I heard AO3 now supports emojis. It was an opportunity to have Wade confuse Cable with inappropriate emojis and memes I simply could not miss. 
> 
> Enjoy and happy pride month y'all!

Nate is startled awake by the rattling of his phone on his bedside table. It vibrates violently until he slings an arm over and grabs it with a groan. The screen flashes on, blinding him in the darkness of his room. He squints at the phone.

**Wade**

Calling

Answer - Dismiss

Nate doesn’t hesitate as he hits ‘dismiss’. He rolls over and is just about to drift off again...

Until his phone pings.

He curses under his breath and is unsurprised at the name in his notifications. What _is_ surprising is that Wade had called him three times at an interval of barely two minutes and sent him a lot of incomprehensible shit (‘they’re called _memes_ , Nate, and they’re contemporary _art_!’) as well as one single text.

01:47am

_you asleep?_

Nate exhales forcefully through his nose before typing out his reply.

01:49am

_not anymore. thanks to you._

01:49am

 _wanna punish me for it?_ 👀

What the fuck.

01:50am

_No, I want you to tell me why you’re harassing me in the middle of the night._

Sure, Wade harasses him all the time. It’s as if his brain was linked to his keyboard and translated all of his thoughts into texts, making a continuous flow of batshit commentary about his day-to-day life. 

But something about this particular time has set the mutant on edge. Who even _calls_ these days? Wade’s never been _that_ weird. 

And he once texted him high on coke and novocaine.

_…_

Nate stares at the bubble as the merc apparently struggles to find an answer; he keeps stopping and starting his typing. It’s equally frustrating as it is worrying, and it only worsens when he finally receives the response.

01:53am

_lonely_

“You gotta be kidding me,” Nate sighs, looking up at the ceiling as he lets his arm drop on the mattress.

01:54am

_I told you to contact me in case of emergency only._

01:54am

_oh it IS an emergency_

_you know what I’m capable of when I’m bored_

_I could blow up a restaurant for shits and giggles_

01:55am

_Wait no!! A popcorn factory!! just- i ma g i n e_

01:55am

 **_Wade_ **.

01:56am

_oof. literally heard that one in my brain. did you use telepathy?_

01:56am

_no, you’re too far away._

01:57am

_… so that means you tried…_

The mutant winces.

01:57am

_I was worried. I reached out on reflex. Wouldn’t work on you anyway._

There’s a pause long enough to make Nate wonder if he actually made the merc speechless. Or if he just got distracted and forgot to reply, which happens way too often for his liking.

02:00am

_such a shame_

_there’s plenty of things we could do long distance tho_

Nate frowns. It’s getting harder and harder for him to keep his eyes open.

02:01am

_like what?_

02:02am

_ask me what I’m doing_

“Jesus,” Nate grumbles to himself as he decides to indulge him for some reason. He always does.

02:02am

_what are you doing?_

02:03am

✊🏻🍆💦

Nate stares at the emojis for a while, trying to make sense of them. In vain.

02:03am

_words. use’em._

02:04am

😩💓

_Wish you said that in a different context_

02:04am

_?_

He receives a picture and everything becomes clear. To anyone else, it would have been repulsive, but it just sends a bolt of arousal down Nate’s spine.

It’s Wade’s cock, peeking out of yellow, lace panties, a bead of precum at the top. 

02:07am

_jesus wade_

He’s wide awake, now, as is a very specific part of his anatomy.

02:07am

 _no caps or punctuation?_ 😏 _did I hit a nerve?_ 😏

Cable huffs amusedly and considers whether he should be truthful or not. He chooses the first option.

02:08am 

_you did._

There’s a pause.

02:09am

_daaamn you’re even more fucked up than I thought_

_and that says a lot coming from me_

Nate knows better than to feel offended; it’s just the merc’s insecurities expressing themselves at the worst possible time. 

He needs to think fast before Wade lets them win and decides to call whatever this is off. Wade has flirted with him before, but never in private, and it’s a chance the mutant just can’t let go. 

02:10am

_did you text me just to whine about your appearance or_

_did you want me to help you with this little “problem” of yours?_

He imagines the merc calling him a lot of colorful names. Rightfully so. But Nate is tired and impatient, his hand already palming at his cock through his underwear.

02:11am

_yes_

Nate smiles. It took him a whole minute just to type three letters. He must be doing it right.

02:12am

_yes what?_

02:12am

_u know damn well what u haughty mutant messiah bich_

Nate chuckles at the shortened words and typo. This is way funnier than he imagined. 

He ups his game.

02:13am

_look at you, reaching me in the middle of the night_

_because you can’t even jerk off on your own_

Wade doesn’t reply. Nate carries on.

02:14am

_you need someone to talk you down, don’t you?_

_tell you what a pitiful slut you are?_

02:15am

 _fuck yea daddy please_ 😩💦💦💦

Nate rolls his eyes at the inappropriate pet name, smiling despite himself.

02:16am

_are you touching yourself?_

02:16am

 _yes_ 🙈

The admission goes straight to Nate’s dick. He pulls it out of his briefs and starts pumping it lazily with his free hand, picturing the merc doing the same, miles away.

02:17am

_good._

_don’t stop but don’t you dare come before I allow you to._

02:17am

_ok_

02:18am

_that all? haven’t you forgotten something, kid?_

02:19am

_… ok daddy?_

02:19am

_good boy._

His phone pings as he receives another pic. It’s Wade’s scarred fingers, glistening wetly in the warm light of a bedside lamp out of frame.

02:19am

_precum, lube or spit?_

02:20am

_all 3 baby_

The next pic is the merc sucking on them, scarred lips closed tight around them. Nate chuckles breathlessly.

02:21am

_you’re so gross._

He hesitates. Hits send.

02:22am

_bet you’d beg me to come down your throat_

_swallow my load till the very the last drop_

  
  


02:23am

_YES pls use me_

Nate closes his eyes and inhales deeply, taken aback by the sheer wave of arousal that hit him at these words. He pictures the merc on his knees, mouth open wide around his cock, looking up at him with tears running down his cheeks.

He picks up his pace.

02:24am

_careful what you ask for_

_I just may take you up on that_

02:24am

_I’ve never been careful ONCE in my life and u fuckin know it_

Nate shakes his head. It’s sadly true.

02:25am

_well?_

02:25am

_what?_

02:26am

Before Nate can ask what the fuck does this picture mean, he receives:

_02:26am_

_I don’t get any dick pics?_

Oh. 

Nate takes a pic of his hard-on using the flash, flesh hand closed loosely around it, and sends it.

02:27am

_holy_

02:28am

_FUK_

A smirk stretches Nate’s lips. He’s aware that he’s well endowed compared to the average male; his previous partners have either loved or hated it.

02:29am

_I’ve seen chimichangas thinner than ur dick_

The mutant laughs out loud and groans when he reads the rest of the message.

_I want it in me_

02:30am

_earn it_

02:31am

_I hate u_

A fond smile stretches across Nate’s face, knowing it to be untrue, and perhaps it’s the exhaustion or the arousal but he replies before he can think it through,

02:31am

_I don’t_

Wade doesn’t reply for a while. Doesn’t even type, only the “online” status informing Nate that he’s still here. He stares at the screen with a frown, wondering what he did wrong. He doesn’t get any answer apart from:

02:35am

_gtg gnight_

The merc goes offline the instant Nate read the message. He reads it again before his brain finally processes what had just happened. Nate loses all desire to finish off, and doesn’t fall asleep until dawn, mulling over this mess of a conversation in his head.

What the _hell_ was that?

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are a writer's fuel so if you liked it please say it! If this gets enough attention I might continue it :)


End file.
